We accept the love we think we deserve.

I've always remembered this quote from the book/movie 'The Perks of being a Wallflower' really vividly, how intimately it portrays how our inner selves may behave. All of us have our own ideals about our significant half, be it qualities or physically wise. However, does it also means that we don't accept the love we don't think we deserve?

I used to have such idyllic thoughts about how my partner should be and will be. Any flaws I find fault in would be a sign of the 'wrong' one and I do not bother to put in the effort to work things out and simply give up because I did not have the persistence to hold on. To put it this way, I didn't accept the love I didn't think I deserve; I thought I deserved better. But the truth was, I didn't deserve the love because I fell short. It was not because the love wasn't good enough, it's me. 

Perhaps if I had the willpower to think it through and put in the effort, I guess things would have be less uglier. If all of us are willing to work hard for something before giving up instead of insisting on the 'right' one, maybe we'll all gradually make someone the 'right' one. I suppose this is how the Disney fairytales have brought us up, with the fantasy of meeting your Prince Charming one day on a white horse, except that he's never going to appear in the way you expect. He's gonna imperfect in many different ways, and it's up to us how we wanna embrace them.

Rather regret things you did, than things you've never done. This has always been my life motto, but I failed it; not having the courage the face difficulties and running away from it. Call me a coward haha. & yet till this day, I'm still afraid. I'm so afraid to be vulnerable, that I tend to put up a self-defensive barrier in hope that someone can tear it down and yet protect the love I deserve. 

I've no idea how my perspectives have changed over the years, but now, all I simply look for is someone that is able to connect well with me, someone that I can be comfortable with, someone I can always be thankful for, and definitely someone I can visualize a future with. I can't wait, to accept the love I truly deserve :)

On a side note, I'm really into layering & monochromatic colours! Have gotten a failed fringe cut recently when I went for a trim and the auntie simply snipped it off to look seemingly like bangs which I dreaded but sighs it's gonna recover soon hehe.